These words have been used to describe little Emilie Parker, one of the students at Sandy Hook Elementary, who was taken from this world far too soon.
As I listened to this description, I couldn't believe the similarities to my own 6 year old. Every. single. thing. sounded like they were talking about her. When I heard the part about the markers, I let out a gasp. I felt like I owed it to these lives lost, to listen to their parents talk about them, to learn a little about them - as painful as it is, I just felt like I should? And every story I hear, and face that I see breaks me a little more. There's this combination of helpessness, sadness, and fear that I haven't been able to shake. And my Christmas spirit? Gone.
I walked the kids to the bus stop this morning and hugged my first grader longer and harder than ever before. I must have said "I love you" a thousand times. When the bus pulled up, I felt the tears forming in my eyes. Not letting anyone see, I quickly pulled myself together until it drove away. I walked into the house and lost it.
And I realized something I can do to honor these families.
I can love.
I have never loved on my children or had so much patience in these past 6 years as I have this weekend. I don't think I've raised my voice once, but instead tried to listen to them more and hear every word they have to say. I can keep doing that, or at least work really hard at it.
I can not let this horrible, unthinkable thing define those precious lives, and live mine as best I can for them.
I can be more in the moment with my children, because they are HERE. God knows none of us have a clue what tomorrow will bring, and at the end of the day, I want them to feel how happy they make me.
I can step away from the computer and the emails and bake cookies and make gingerbread houses instead.
I can savor Christmas with my children because I know that's what those little ones would be doing if they were here. We will celebrate for them, instead of weep for them. It seems like an impossible task, but I will dig deep and find that Christmas spirit somewhere, somehow.
Life is to be lived, and we don't know for how long. So instead of worrying every minute of every day when I send my babies out in the world, I'm going to channel that energy into prayer and trust in God that He's with them.
I'm sure the families of those taken on Friday at Sandy Hook Elementary wish they could have more time with their angels.
So in their loving memory, I will devote more time to mine.
Love harder and stronger than you ever have before, friends. The world needs it more than ever.
Let love win.
God bless.
18 comments:
Wow, your post says it all - thank you for your words. Hugs.
Liz, I couldn't agree more. Vicky K.
Beautifully said.
I really, really needed this - thank you. I think you are right. Love has to win.
This is exactly what I have been thinking, feeling, and practicing. Friday's events are horrific, but at the same time a reason for pause. I, too, have been taking stock of my life and my children's lives. I always think these things, but Friday seemed to focus the sentiment more clearly in my mind. Thanks for you honest (and I am sure tear-filled) post. I agree with every word and thought. I had the pleasure of hosting my daughter's third birthday yesterday and was happier than ever to clean up all of the little messes afterward. I am just sad that it took the loss of so many young lives to make the rest of us realize how very lucky we are.
Well said. If we stay sad and allow this tragedy steal our joy, Christmas or otherwise, then we allow the killing to continue in our own lives. I will love deeper, pray harder, smile kinder, and allow the life and light that would have been for those victims to shine through me. That is how I will honor them.
Thank you for these words. You are completly right. Love, Love and more Love.
Hi:
So many of us saw our daughters in little Emilie. My own, 7 year old, has the same hair style, hair color and personality. When I saw Emilie's picture I cried. I took the same message from this tradegy as you. I'm trying to be more patient and loving. I'm trying to let the little worries of life go and make my children laugh instead of frown. I've loved them more and said "I'm sorry for not always being patient and listening to you". I've asked God to give me more love to give every day. God bless Emilie and her family. They will remain in my prayers as will all the precious lost.
So well said. I have read so many posts, articles, etc on this tragedy. This one made complete sense to me and was the first to do so as I too have tried to let love win. With two children under the age of three and one on the way I relate to so many of your posts, but would normally never leave a comment. I could also take a photo in each of the rooms of my house of somethinh I have made from copying you, ruler and thankful tree to name our favorites. This is the post that has me compelled to want to "copy" you the most and say thank you. As much as I delight in every post about a craft or decotating idea you have I truly love the posts you write about life the very most. Thank you. God bless.
Beautifully written. Thank you.
Yes. Thank you for sharing this, and you are so right. My Christmas spirit, too, had disappeared and I spent the entire weekend forcing myself to just DO things - to go through the motions. Yesterday I forced myself to listen to Obama's speech from the vigil and at some moment I had this vision, this feeling, of those precious children looking down upon their families and saying, "It's okay. We're okay." and I've been clinging to that, because for just that moment, I really felt it - and when I cling to that, I can focus on not crying and doing just exactly what you say here - love my children.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful words. I have struggled, too, with how to celebrate anything right now. The words "Merry Christmas" seem too harsh to utter during such extreme sadness. But I realized (and forgive me if I sound like a freak) if we allow this to prevent us from celebrating Christmas, the birth of our Savior, then the enemy continues to win this battle. So, I will {painfully, through tears} celebrate His greatness, knowing He is the only One who can fix this mess. I, too, am going to let love win. ~My only comfort with this horrific situation is that I know as those sweet, precious children walked through the pearly gates, they were greeted by Jesus, swooped up into his heavenly arms and are resting peacefully in His embrace, free from any pain and sorrow. And it brings me a tiny bit of joy. I hope it can you, too. {As I was typing, my 4-year old woke and came downstairs. I told him "I love you" as he was sitting on my lap and his response, "God loves us all the time." tears.} God bless.
Great and encouraging word! Thank you!
Well said. God Bless You.
I don't know you and I can't decorate to save my life but I follow this blog not only for household inspiration but because it seems to me that you might love being a mom almost as much as I do. I'm from Ogden Ut where Emilie's family is from and I don't know them but I know a few of their family members. They are great people too. My thought is that maybe Emilie and your daughter are the way they are partly because of their mama's and how much love they have been raised with.
So I'd say just keep doing what you're doing. It's been obvious to me for a long long time that you're the kind of mom who know's how lucky we are to have these kids and who doesn't use this as an opportunity to rant about how hard your life is. You and I and probably emilie's mom could definitely be friends.
Beautiful sentiments and the most appropriate tribute to those angels....
I, too, is having problems finding the Christmas Spirit. I am hoping tomorrow with snow coming & with me & my youngest going out shopping for my middle one last 2 items with help with that. I need to get the items for our Christmas dinner. I am always done with Christmas shopping for the kids in October, but this year I am not. This year I am struggling. This year I am not organized. This reminds me of when my cousin lost her child & how I felt with how close in age my middle child was to her daughter. I have been stepping away from the computer so we can do some of our traditions. Tonight we are making ornaments for the teachers. Tomorrow night is decorating our tree. We will find our Christmas Spirit for our children!
Haven't had time to stop by in a long time and I knew as I came to your page I would see something touching on this horrific event and let me your post was my thoughts and fears and emotions put into words exactly and exactly how I tried to spend my weekend and your post is a reminder to keep it going forever not just for the days following this event but for life and I think you said it right that the best way to honor these children, teachers and families is to love our angels the best we can and celebrate life with them. Although I cried again while reading your post it did bring that warm feeling inside of me and can't wait to leave work and hug my kids again.
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